i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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