wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
