remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
