I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize