Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
