i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
