I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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