Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
