Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
