Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
