Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
