last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
