so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
