I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
