I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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