Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize