he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
