I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
