i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
