Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
