i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
