Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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