Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I didn't notice because vodka
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
