you win again, gameday.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just had sex on a roof
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
