I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize