You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
