What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
my sisters under your porch take her home
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
