I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize