he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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