my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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