did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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