If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize