Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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