You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
and she was petting her beer can
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
