New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
