I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
