theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
