I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
