no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
