we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
