i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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