Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
