someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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