he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
