which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i dont even know how to be here
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
