Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
