Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
