I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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