Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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