Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Porn is love you can see.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
