she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
