After last night, I could never be a politician.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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