There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
