seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
