I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The air was thick with penises
Sorry my hands just texted you
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
