Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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