Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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