i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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