I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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