and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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