Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize