If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
