Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
