doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
