The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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