I want to stick my p in your. b.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
