im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
