is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
